Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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