she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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