then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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