I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
