U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
