Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
