I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
