dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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