you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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