He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize