you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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