If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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