I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
