Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
