I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
