i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish you could order shots online.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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