I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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