Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
