Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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