my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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