I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
