I think I won the penis lottery.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
