That's intense
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
