Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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