North Korea, Best Korea!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
