It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
