Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
