i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
