11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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