I've blown a few things in my day
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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