I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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