Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
