Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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