her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
