she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
