the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
