So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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