the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
