I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
