maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
