Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
