yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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