My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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