capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
