Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Small penises have feelings too.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
