Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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