Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
