I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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