Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
