you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize