No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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