your thong is hanging out like whoa
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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