why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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