We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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