At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found the puke drawer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
