i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
