I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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