You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
