I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
