you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
