I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
