True but thats because hes a fetus.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
