Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
