There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
