Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
