i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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