It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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