So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
