Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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