Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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