three words: i give head
three words: not that well
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
