You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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