I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
