ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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