those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
