The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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