Nicole vs. Life
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
