billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
