Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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