i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
