I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
