omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
