I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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