Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone signed my nipple.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
