From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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