Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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