her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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