the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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