Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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