She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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