i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
