In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
